Colonastics

Do you want the rational spiciness of white masculinity alongside the physicality of Black femmes? If you’re looking for a way to combine the two, COLONASTICS™ is for you!

COLONASTICS™ is the world’s first fitness workout that does without the exoticizing bullshit of Zumba, the pseudo-spiritual, esoteric bells and whistles of white yoginis and neo-colonial appropriations! Why? Because it feeds solely on the physicality of white cultural practices. Stiffen your joints, throw your limbs around uncontrollably and perfect your air guitar. Feel white supremacy flowing through our collective consciousness and become part of a movement that will revolutionize the fitness world.
Push yourself to the limit with Schlager HIIT, beat the beat at Total Body Schranzformation, get whisked away on a deeply relaxing post-racial dream trip, or find your inner white man during a sweaty beer hike of Stuttgart. Once the smell of Sauerkraut Juice and the Schlager tunes grab you, you’ll understand why COLONASTICS™ classes change everything! Mega-effective? Yup! Mega fun? Hell yes! Every time you come out of class, you’ll be bursting with energy and feel invincible.

WORKOUT DESCRIPTONS

Fri 13. Oct 8.30 p.m. Total Body Schranzformation + Jump Style
Indoor-Workout
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Intermediate

What do you do when you’re on the dancefloor? Do you two step, shuffle or just nod your head? That’s right, if you‘re white! Total Body Schranzformation is a full body cardio workout taking you from 1991 Love Parade to Berlin Berghain straight to the Thunderdome Rave Experience. Our high intensity intervall raving will push you to your limits and create a club community in which whiteness is the ultimate rythm.

Sat 14 Oct 4 p.m. Whiteness is a State of Mind – Eine Traumreise nach Happyland
Indoor-Workout
Bring comfortable clothes
Level: Beginner

Sat 14 Oct 8 p.m.: Schlager HIIT
Indoor-Workout
Bring sportswear and indoor shoes
Level: Beginner

Tie up your Wandershoes and join us for a heartrate raising trip to the Alpen! Our infectious Schlager High Intensity Intervall Training is a combination of white folcloric warm up dances and straight up white body building-body exercises using dumbells, barrels and beer benches. Our carefully curated playlists of oldschool and contemporary Schlager Hits will inspire you to sprint faster and lift heavier. Let’s raise our glasses, sing along, and celebrate the magic of Schlager! Through this workout, we reclaim our white German heritage and boost your Heimatgefühle to a whole new level!

Sun 15 Oct 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. : Herrliches Bier Hiking
Outdoor-Workout
Bring sportswear
Level: Beginner